Trump returns to WHCA dinner with props, roasts everyone in sight

BS BRIEF:

President Trump returned for the rescheduled White House Correspondents’ Association dinner three months after an armed suspect allegedly tried to breach the original event and assassinate him. The smaller July 24 gathering was moved from the Washington Hilton to the Waldorf Astoria, featured significantly tighter security and drew roughly 680 guests instead of the approximately 2,600 expected in April.
Secret Service Uniformed Division Officer Victor Gonzales received the WHCA’s President’s Award for Exceptional Service after authorities said he confronted the armed suspect, was struck in his protective vest and remained in the fight. Former WHCA President Weijia Jiang said Gonzales “ran toward danger so that thousands of others could make it home safely.”
Trump replaced what he described as a far more brutal original speech with a mix of gratitude, unity and vintage Trump roasting—but still ended the 64-minute address by putting on a red “Trump 2028” hat and joking that he was running for a fourth time. He also promised the press corps, “I will be back next year.”

TRUMP RETURNS TO WHCA DINNER, HONORS HERO AND ROASTS EVERYONE IN SIGHT

President Donald Trump returned to the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner Friday night and finished the speech that gunfire prevented him from delivering three months earlier.

But it was not the same speech. Trump said the address he had prepared before the April 25 attack would have been much more combative.

“The speech that I had ready just a short while—oh, that was going to be a doozy.”

He admitted he had been eager to unload on the journalists, politicians and Washington personalities gathered in the ballroom.

“I was so psyched. I was going to rip people.”

The attempted assassination changed the tenor of the evening, Trump said.

“Something changed it—really for the better.”

He added:

“I just wouldn’t want to do that.”

Then came the qualification everyone in the room was waiting for.

“But we’ll do a little ripping, if you don’t mind.”

Trump described the rescheduled gathering as a different and, in some ways, more meaningful evening.

“It’s going to be a different kind of evening. And it is.”

He continued:

“In many ways, it’s a more beautiful evening, actually.”

The dinner was originally held April 25 at the Washington Hilton, where prosecutors allege 31-year-old Cole Tomas Allen sprinted through a security checkpoint carrying a shotgun and other weapons as he moved toward the ballroom where Trump and senior administration officials were gathered.

A federal grand jury later charged Allen with attempting to assassinate the president, assaulting a federal officer with a deadly weapon, transporting a firearm across state lines with intent to commit a felony and discharging a firearm during a crime of violence.

Allen has pleaded not guilty.

According to the Justice Department, Allen fired a 12-gauge shotgun while rushing through the checkpoint, striking a Secret Service officer in the chest. The officer’s ballistic vest absorbed the impact, and officers stopped Allen before he could reach the ballroom.

Prosecutors said Allen was also carrying a handgun, ammunition, knives, daggers, pliers and wire cutters.

Trump addressed the attack directly Friday night.

“The attempted mass murder at the Washington Hilton—that’s what it could have been—was an assault on our democracy itself.”

The president thanked the Secret Service for protecting him and others not only during that attack, but every day. The evening’s most solemn moment came when the WHCA honored Officer Victor Gonzales, the former Marine who confronted the gunman. Jiang described Gonzales’ actions from the stage.

“One officer placed himself directly in harm’s way and engaged the armed suspect.”

She said he continued fighting even after being struck.

“Even after gunfire struck his protective vest, he stayed in the fight, and the attacker was stopped.”

Jiang asked the question many attendees have undoubtedly considered since that night.

“What if he hadn’t acted in that exact way?”

She continued:

“What if he had waited a few more seconds?”

The WHCA said Gonzales “heroically engaged the armed suspect” and that his “swift and decisive actions” helped prevent the gunman from advancing toward the ballroom. The association also honored Washington Hilton staff members who remained on duty after the chaos and preserved more than 2,000 unserved meals for donation to shelters. The gravity of that tribute did not prevent Trump from returning to form.

He walked out to Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” and immediately began teasing the constitutional scholars in the room.

“Just like my presidency, the second time is always better.”

Then:

“The third time will be better yet.”

Trump quickly added:

“I’m only kidding.”

The president’s speech ran for approximately one hour and four minutes and ranged from praise for law enforcement to jokes about Democrats, members of his own administration, the news media and the dinner itself.

Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. became one of the first Cabinet targets. Referring to the meal, Trump said:

“I hope that everyone finally got to enjoy their entire very delicious beef tenderloins.”

He described it as:

“Very special beef.”

Then he pointed toward Kennedy.

“Bobby Kennedy, who’s right here, personally ran over the cow in his car.”

The joke drew on Kennedy’s widely reported stories involving dead animals and roadkill, while allowing Trump to roast one of his own Cabinet secretaries without pausing for breath. Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker received a far less delicate treatment.

Trump began by pretending to warn an audience member against insulting the possible 2028 Democratic contender.

“I know I would never call anybody fat.”

He added:

“I have my own problems. It’s not like I’m perfect.”

Then he addressed someone toward the back of the room.

“Don’t call him a fat pig, okay?”

Trump continued the mock defense:

“I’m sticking up for him.”

And then, once more:

“You can’t call J.B. Pritzker a fat pig.”

The president also targeted California Gov. Gavin Newsom, former Vice President Kamala Harris and an assortment of media and entertainment figures. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer received a joke tied to his criticism of Israel and shifting rhetoric surrounding the war against Hamas.

“I’m going to send him a beautiful Palestinian outfit tomorrow.”

Trump said the gift would allow Schumer to:

“Greet Bibi Netanyahu when he comes to town next week.”

The president later pivoted from mockery to a serious endorsement of congressional term limits.

“All joking aside, I do think we need term limits in Congress.”

He illustrated the age problem in Washington with a joke about an elderly senator receiving a romantic message from his wife.

According to Trump, she wrote:

“When you get home, I want to have you immediately come up the stairs and make love to me.”

The senator’s answer:

“I can’t do both.”

Trump explained that the man had enough energy to climb the stairs or engage in romance—but apparently not both.

The press did not escape. Trump said the original version of his speech had been prepared to tear into the media far more aggressively, but he still took opportunities to needle reporters, complain about “fake news” and joke about his relationship with the people who cover him.

At the same time, he praised the importance of press freedom and claimed his administration had provided journalists extraordinary access.

He framed the rescheduled dinner as an act of national defiance.

After the April attack, Trump had argued that the event must eventually continue because violent extremists should not be allowed to alter American life or even its schedule. The gathering was eventually revived at a smaller venue with enhanced screening and a reduced guest list.

Trump repeatedly returned to the phrase:

“The show must go on.”

He also used the attack to defend the controversial White House ballroom project, arguing that a modern presidential event space would offer greater security than outside hotels.

“In light of what we went through, I think people understand it.”

Trump predicted the WHCA would eventually hold its annual dinner in the new ballroom.

“It’s going to be amazing.”

He called the planned venue:

“Phenomenal.”

The president also joked about the legal challenges surrounding the estimated $200 million project and described the facility as including one of the world’s largest drone ports.

Trump then promised to return for another round with the press corps.

“They said, ‘Would you do it next year?’”

His answer:

“I will be back next year.”

He added one condition.

“Now, if you get really, really nasty, maybe not.”

Then:

“But we’re going to be back next year.”

Trump saved his biggest troll for the closing moments. He told reporters he had a scoop. The president announced—jokingly—that he was running for office for the fourth time, then placed a bright red “TRUMP 2028” hat on his head.

The gesture immediately triggered renewed media discussion of the 22nd Amendment, which prevents a person from being elected president more than twice.

Trump had already said the third-term line was a joke. That, of course, did not prevent the press from taking the bait. It never does.

Only Donald Trump could survive another alleged assassination attempt, return to the room three months later, honor the man who helped stop the gunman, roast half the government, tell an elderly-sex joke, accuse Robert F. Kennedy Jr. of vehicular cow slaughter and finish the evening wearing a “Trump 2028” hat.

This was Trump in full.