CLEVELAND, OH — A federal judge has blocked Ohio from requiring proof of citizenship to register to vote, preserving the simpler system of asking nicely. Applicants will continue indicating their citizenship by checking a box, a rigorous verification procedure election officials call “the honor system, but with pens.”
Ohio had sought documentary proof after state officials raised the controversial possibility that someone could lie. Voting-rights advocates dismissed the concern. “There’s a box,” one attorney explained. “Then they sign underneath the box. We’re not just taking their word for it once.”
Ohio officials argued that documents could help determine whether people claiming to be citizens actually are citizens.
Critics warned that could set a dangerous precedent. “First you start verifying citizenship,” one election-law expert said. “Then somebody wants to verify addresses. Then ages. Pretty soon we’re running an election like some kind of election.”
Experts also noted that noncitizen voting is already illegal. “That’s an important safeguard,” one attorney said. “People are legally prohibited from breaking the law.”
Ohio Secretary of State Frank LaRose announced plans to appeal, maintaining the controversial position that election officials should know whether voters are eligible to vote.
California officials were reportedly monitoring the case to determine whether the checkbox system could be expanded to the DMV.
Under the proposal, driver’s license applicants would be asked:
CAN YOU DRIVE?
☐ Yes
☐ No
Applicants checking “yes” would proceed directly to the photo station.
At press time, Ohio officials were developing a compromise under which applicants would place one hand over their heart and say, “Dude, I swear.”
TOTAL BS DISCLAIMER: This is satire. Events and quotations may be fictional. The real news that inspired this nonsense is unfortunately very real.
THE REAL BS: Ohio tried requiring proof of citizenship for voting. A federal judge just blocked it.
