TOTAL BS!
Fox News has quietly installed a seven-second broadcast delay that applies exclusively to Jesse Watters, according to people familiar with the network’s latest efforts to reduce what executives internally describe as “unscheduled transparency.”
The move follows an episode of “The Five” in which Watters began casually discussing things people have allegedly heard inside Fox News, prompting Emily Compagno to clarify on-air that he was joking.
Watters then clarified that he was not.
Dana Perino reportedly responded with the phrase that ultimately became the technical department’s new operating mandate:
“You need to get it together.”
Under the new system, every word spoken by Watters will first pass through a small control room staffed by one producer, one attorney and a man whose sole responsibility is to keep his hand hovering over a large red button labeled:
JESSE.
If Watters begins a sentence with phrases such as “What people don’t know about Fox is…” or “Let me tell you what really happens around here,” the system automatically cuts to commercial.
Engineers say seven seconds was selected after extensive testing determined that five seconds was not enough time for Perino to detect danger, while ten seconds allowed Watters to begin an entirely new story.
The delay will not apply to the other hosts.
“Greg Gutfeld already has his own containment procedures,” one network insider explained.
Compagno has reportedly been issued a direct hotline to human resources, while Perino will receive a small desk-mounted switch allowing her to activate the delay manually whenever Watters develops what producers are calling “that look.”
Network executives insist the system is not censorship.
Rather, it is being described as a workplace-safety initiative.
Future upgrades may include facial-recognition software capable of detecting the moment Watters remembers something he was told not to repeat.
According to engineers, the technology is still in development.
The facial expression, however, has already been identified.
TOTAL BS is SATIRE. The news is real. The TOTAL BS is intentional. For the real BS read this — Dana Perino tells Jesse Watters to ‘get it together’ after he starts spilling Fox secrets on live TV
