TOTAL BS!
NEW YORK — ABC’s The View is reportedly preparing a primetime special on civility and national unity, just days after its hosts demonstrated their approach to respectful dialogue by tearing into President Trump’s new White House press secretary.
During Wednesday’s program, Ana Navarro mocked Katie Zacharia’s 14-minute debut briefing, claiming she’d suffered bouts of hiccups that lasted longer. She also suggested second graders could read better and explained that a successful Trump spokesperson needed to lie with confidence.
Apparently, the network saw the exchange and recognized an opportunity to bring Americans together.
The proposed special, America, We Need to Talk, will address political intolerance, respectful disagreement and the growing tendency of Americans to shout over one another.
“We believe nobody is better qualified to teach Americans how to listen than people who make their living interrupting each other,” explained production adviser Amanda N. Outrage.
Producers initially considered inviting guests with opposing political views but abandoned the idea after discovering that disagreements might occur.
“We want everyone to feel comfortable expressing their opinions,” said executive producer Connie Descending. “As long as they’re the correct opinions.”
A segment titled Learning to Listen will teach viewers how to recognize opposing viewpoints and immediately explain why they’re wrong.
To promote a calmer atmosphere, producers have reportedly ordered larger microphones and introduced a new studio warning system.
A green light means someone is speaking.
Yellow means someone disagrees.
Red means everybody starts screaming.
Conflict-resolution specialist Dr. Hugh G. R. Louder has also developed a Civility Decibel Index to measure the show’s progress. “The louder you express your commitment to tolerance, the more tolerant you become,” Louder explained.
Early testing registered 118 decibels, triggered a fire alarm and caused a security guard to apologize for his political beliefs.
Producers called the results encouraging.
An audience participation segment was canceled after several audience members attempted to participate. “We’re trying to give ordinary Americans a voice,” Descending explained. “We can’t have them using it.”
The special will conclude with all the hosts simultaneously delivering a pledge to respect differing opinions.
ABC has ordered industrial soundproofing, reinforced coffee mugs and emergency aspirin for the studio audience.
A sequel is already in development.
Its working title: America, Shut Up. We’re Still Talking.
TOTAL BS is SATIRE. The real BS is here: The View Pinpoints Where Katie Zacharia Went Wrong in First Briefing
