TOTAL BS!
WASHINGTON — Organizers of the nationwide No Kings movement announced Saturday that they have resolved concerns about partisan political activity by officially reclassifying Democratic Party blue as a nonpartisan color.
The clarification follows reports that national No Kings guidelines prohibit Democratic campaign messaging while local organizers are encouraging participants to wear blue and carry signs reading “Vote Blue Nov 3.”
Under the revised guidelines, protesters may wear blue, vote blue, support blue candidates and demand a blue majority, provided nobody mentions the Democratic Party by name.
“We are absolutely committed to maintaining the nonpartisan integrity of this movement,” explained coalition compliance director Evelyn Blueford. “Blue is a color. Colors cannot register with political parties. Our attorneys have been very clear about that.”
Organizers reportedly consulted election lawyers and paint specialists before selecting a shade called “Democracy Blue,” described as virtually identical to Democratic Party blue but legally independent.
“You can put two blue shirts next to each other and one might be partisan while the other is simply enthusiastic about democracy,” Blueford explained. “It’s really a question of intent.”
The coalition also distributed new guidance approving chants such as “Blue Wave,” “Blue Tsunami” and “Turn America Blue.”
However, chanting “Elect Democrats” remains prohibited unless immediately followed by the phrase “in a completely nonpartisan capacity.”
Regional messaging coordinator Patricia Neutralman said organizers have approved signs reading “Vote Blue,” “Time for a Blue Tsunami” and “Republicans Are Not Blue.”
When asked why participants weren’t encouraged to wear red, Neutralman explained that the color was unavailable due to existing political associations.
“We believe in inclusion, but there are limits,” she said.
To ensure compliance, volunteers carrying Democratic campaign signs will be instructed to cover candidates’ names with blue stickers.
Meanwhile, participants wearing shirts displaying the Democratic donkey symbol may continue marching if they identify the animal as a nonpartisan agricultural mammal.
“At the end of the day, this movement isn’t about Democrats or Republicans,” Blueford concluded. “It’s about protecting democracy and making absolutely certain the correct people win in November.”
She then reminded participants to wear blue.
“But not for political reasons.”
TOTAL BS IS SATIRE. This column is political parody inspired by real news. For the real story, READ: Fox News — ‘No Kings’ foot soldiers ignore organizers’ warning, go all in for Democrats.
