The Daily BS • Bo Snerdley Cuts Through It!
The Daily BS • Bo Snerdley Cuts Through It!

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Parents group seeks alternative investment option for children receiving Musk’s SpaceX shares

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TOTAL BS!

WASHINGTON — A progressive parents organization is demanding an alternative to Elon Musk’s proposed SpaceX stock giveaway, warning that children could develop an attachment to capitalism before schools have an opportunity to explain its dangers.

Parents for Responsible Outcomes, Fairness and Inclusion in Trusts, or PROFIT, announced the initiative following Musk’s pledge to give a SpaceX share to every American child next year.

“We support giving children a financial head start,” executive director Laurel Vest said. “We simply believe families should have the right to choose an investment that doesn’t reward the wrong person for succeeding.”

The group’s proposed alternatives include a community poetry cooperative, a fair-trade candle enterprise and a nonprofit newspaper currently entering its ninth emergency fundraising campaign.

Each option would undergo an extensive screening process covering labor practices, political contributions and whether its founder has ever enjoyed being interviewed by Joe Rogan.

Parents would receive quarterly statements detailing their children’s investments, the communities being centered and any remaining money.

“People get distracted by returns,” Vest said. “Our fund asks a more important question: What did your investment make a statement about?”

Under the proposal, participating children would receive an initial account credit equivalent to the value of the donated SpaceX share, less an administrative charge, an equity assessment fee and a contribution to the organization’s annual retreat.

The retreat will take place somewhere accessible by commercial aviation, although senior staff have requested flexibility.

PROFIT’s investment adviser, Everett Yielding, said the alternative fund would protect children from the volatility associated with rapidly growing technology companies.

“Our portfolio is designed to eliminate that kind of uncertainty,” Yielding explained. “Several of these organizations have never generated a profit. We know exactly what we’re dealing with.”

The group also proposes safeguards for children who retain their SpaceX shares.

Before viewing an account balance, minors would complete an age-appropriate discussion of wealth concentration. Any increase exceeding 10 percent would trigger a family conversation facilitated by a certified abundance counselor.

Parents could temporarily conceal gains by switching the account display from dollars to estimated units of social responsibility.

One parent, Bethany Margin, said she became concerned after her eight-year-old asked whether owning a share meant he owned part of a rocket company.

“He was excited,” Margin recalled. “That’s when we knew we needed support.”

The family has since enrolled him in a workshop explaining that space exploration involves complicated questions about land acknowledgment.

PROFIT emphasized that it has no objection to wealthy donors supporting children, provided the donations first pass through an established organization with the staff and experience necessary to receive them.

“Direct ownership creates an accountability problem,” Vest said. “The money can reach the child before anyone has been paid to manage the relationship.”

The organization is accepting founding memberships at $250 per household.

Members receive a window decal, priority access to informational webinars and a tote bag declaring OUR CHILDREN ARE NOT FOR SALE.

Shipping is additional.

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1 Comment

  1. These parents have lost their minds!!!

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