TOTAL BS! 

President Donald Trump and New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani are expected to use their meeting at Gracie Mansion Monday to finalize an unusual joint custody arrangement for New York City, according to a person familiar with the discussions.

Under the tentative agreement, Mamdani will retain custody of the city Monday through Thursday, while Trump will receive alternating weekends, most federal holidays and unlimited visitation rights whenever the United Nations is in session.

“The important thing is stability for the city,” said the person, who requested anonymity because the agreement has not yet been finalized. “New York needs to know who is picking it up and when.”

The agreement reportedly became necessary after months of confusion over the increasingly cordial relationship between the Republican president and the democratic socialist mayor.

The two men spent much of 2025 attacking each other politically before meeting at the White House and discovering they apparently had more to talk about than expected.

They have since met again.

They text.

And now Trump is coming over to Mamdani’s house.

Sources said lawyers became involved shortly thereafter.

A draft agreement reviewed by TOTAL BS establishes several ground rules.

Mamdani will be responsible for rent control, bike lanes and making sure everyone has snacks.

Trump retains final authority over skyscrapers, ballroom construction and anything involving gold.

Neither man may introduce New York City to a new political ideology without first notifying the other.

The Staten Island provision remains unresolved.

Trump reportedly requested full custody.

Mamdani’s attorneys countered with supervised visitation.

New Jersey has offered to take it on weekends.

The agreement also contains an emergency clause allowing either party to text the other, “You up?” whenever the city requires immediate federal assistance.

People close to the negotiations say the biggest sticking point remains Christmas.

Trump wants Manhattan.

Mamdani wants all five boroughs.

Eric Adams has reportedly asked whether anybody remembered that he still has some stuff at Gracie Mansion.

TOTAL BS is SATIRE:  Monday’s actual Trump-Mamdani meeting is real. The president and mayor really are meeting at Gracie Mansion, and Mamdani really has said the two communicate privately. The custody agreement, Staten Island negotiations and emergency “You up?” clause are TOTAL BS.

For the real BS read this — Trump and Mamdani to meet in New York