TOTAL BS!
Sen. Ted Cruz has a warning for Republicans: Don’t become socialists just because you put “right-wing” in front of it.
“There are two answers to ‘right-wing socialism’: no, and hell no,” the Texas senator declared this week.
Cruz told Fox News that Republicans can be populists without getting into the Bernie Sanders business of “giving away free stuff.”
“If we campaign and say, ‘We’ll be just like the Democrats except not as a generous Santa Claus,’ that’s a path to losing,” Cruz said.
Fair enough.
But Cruz’s comments immediately created a problem in Washington: How exactly does a Republican know when something becomes “free stuff”?
Cruz has now developed the Santa Claus Test, according to Nick L. Dime, a senior analyst at the Center for Responsible Giving, a simple screening process Republicans can apply to every new spending proposal.
The test consists of one question: Would Bernie Sanders give people this?
If the answer is yes, the proposal is immediately classified as socialism.
If the answer is no, Republicans may proceed. If the answer is “Bernie would, but for a completely different reason,” the proposal is sent to Rand Paul for further review.
The system has already caused problems.
During a trial run Tuesday, Republican staffers reportedly spent 45 minutes trying to determine whether a tax rebate was “free money,” “your own money coming back” or “a small-government economic freedom payment.”
Cruz finally settled the dispute. “Does Santa Claus make you fill out a 1040?” he asked.
The room went silent. The rebate passed.
Republican leaders are now reportedly confident the Santa Claus Test will prevent the party from accidentally wandering into socialism.
There is only one remaining complication. Nobody has figured out whether Santa himself is a socialist.
Cruz’s office has referred the matter to committee.
TOTAL BS IS SATIRE: The real news: Ted Cruz really did warn Republicans against “right-wing socialism,” “giving away free stuff” and trying to compete with Democrats by becoming a “generous Santa Claus.” The Santa Claus Test — and everything that follows — is TOTAL BS.
