BS BULLETIN:

• Miami-Dade deputies say Yirsi Esperanza Machado Rivera, 50, threw a bucket containing human feces on her next-door neighbor after accusing the woman of having an affair with her husband.
• Machado Rivera denied throwing the waste, telling investigators she had been using the bucket because her toilet was broken and was merely trying to dispose of the “caca.”
• A judge ordered her held without bond Tuesday on burglary and battery charges and ordered her to stay away from the alleged victim.

Florida has supplied us with another sentence nobody expected to write today.

A Miami-Dade woman is behind bars after deputies say a dispute involving her husband, her neighbor and a bucket of human feces escalated into one spectacularly messy confrontation.

According to the Miami-Dade Sheriff’s Office, Machado Rivera and the alleged victim live in separate portions of a split trailer at the Royal Country mobile home community in northwest Miami-Dade.

Deputies say Machado Rivera went to her neighbor’s door around 6:15 p.m. Monday, began banging on it and accused the woman of having a sexual relationship with her husband.

When the neighbor opened the door, authorities allege Machado Rivera forced her way inside and began shoving her.

Then came the bucket.

According to the arrest report, Machado Rivera “subsequently threw a bucket containing human feces onto the victim” before leaving.

Investigators say a witness provided an even more extraordinary detail: Machado Rivera allegedly told the witness that she had defecated in the bucket specifically to throw it in the neighbor’s face.

Machado Rivera offered police a very different explanation.

She said her toilet was broken and she had been using the bucket, telling investigators she was trying to dispose of a bucket of “caca.” She claimed the women instead argued about the smell and that her neighbor struck her in the head with a bat, causing a laceration.

She denied entering the neighbor’s home or throwing the contents of the bucket.

Machado Rivera was arrested on burglary and battery charges.

At Tuesday’s bond hearing, Miami-Dade Judge Mindy Glazer summarized the prosecution’s allegations before ordering Machado Rivera held without bond and directing her to have no contact with the alleged victim.

The charges remain allegations, and Machado Rivera has not been convicted.

MY QUICK TAKE:

I have covered politics for a very long time, so I thought I knew BS.

Florida has once again informed me that I am an amateur.

DBS WIRE SOURCES:

• Local 10 — Miami-Dade woman ‘pooped in a bucket,’ hurled feces on neighbor in affair ambush, cops say
• NBC 6 South Florida — Miami woman threw bucket of poop on neighbor she accused of sleeping with husband, cops say
• Miami Herald — Miami-Dade woman threw a bucket of ‘caca’ on her neighbor, deputies say
• Law & Crime — Florida woman flung her own feces at neighbor she suspected of having an affair with her husband, police say