TOTAL BS:
Polyamorous and other nonmonogamous people will soon be a protected class in Seattle.
The City Council unanimously agreed last week to ban discrimination in employment, housing, business licensing, park usage, policing and public accommodations against adults in consensual relationships with more than one partner.
“Every family is different, but every single one deserves equal protection under the law,” Councilmember Alexis Mercedes Rinck said during the council meeting.
At least seven other cities have adopted similar protections, including Portland, Oregon, and Somerville, Massachusetts. A Seattle city staff report cited research indicating that as many as 20 percent of Americans have been in a polyamorous or nonmonogamous relationship at some point, while roughly 5 percent are currently in one.
And apparently, protecting those relationships was only the beginning.
Seattle officials are now reportedly preparing the next logical step: “high-occupancy dating” lanes designed to accommodate residents in relationships involving three or more people.
Under the proposed pilot program, couples would continue using ordinary dating infrastructure, while qualifying throuples and larger romantic configurations could access specially designated lanes outside restaurants, apartment showings and select IKEA locations.
City planners said the change became necessary after existing relationship infrastructure proved “overwhelmingly couple-centric.”
“We’ve spent decades asking people, ‘Table for two?’” one city official explained. “It’s 2026. We can do better.”
The program would reportedly use the familiar diamond-shaped HOV symbol, although officials are considering adding several smaller hearts so nobody mistakes it for transportation policy.
Eligibility could get complicated.
Three people actively dating one another would qualify automatically. Four-person relationships would receive priority status. Two people dating the same third person while refusing to speak to each other would require additional documentation.
“We don’t want people gaming the system by picking up two strangers just to get through brunch faster,” an official familiar with the proposal cautioned.
The city is also studying whether apartment buildings should provide expanded toothbrush storage and whether emergency-contact forms need additional pages.
Transportation officials stressed that Seattle’s actual HOV lanes will remain unchanged.
At least until somebody brings it up at the next meeting.
TOTAL BS is satire. Seattle really did approve protections against discrimination based on consensual nonmonogamous relationships. The HOV dating lanes, romantic traffic regulations and bureaucratic relationship paperwork are the intentional BS.
For the real BS read this — Seattle to residents who have multiple partners: We’re not judging – The Washington Post
